They say there are some people in this world who are never meant to find love. I’m starting to think I’m one of them. I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship. This is most likely becuase I’m overweight and very shy with no confidence in myself…….but I’m a good person I think. I may be overweight but I take care of myself. I don’t pig out on fast food, in fact I don’t even eat it! Fast food disgusts me! I eat two meals a day, not huge portions, but probably not normal sized either. Fruits, veggies, meats, breads…..all the food groups. I eat very little sweets. My weaknesses are meat and cheese but I do my best to hold back on eating a ton of it. Maybe it’s the way I dress……I wear jeans with usually a black shirt that has some picture or words on it, sneakers and my hair in a ponytail. I can’t afford to wear a new outfit every day and I have no reason to dress up.
I work 7 days a week delivering newspapers. My job is at night, located in a warehouse type of place and then in my car. I need to wear clothes that are durable, that I can get dirty if I have to becuase Im out there walking through dirt and grass and sometimes in the rain and puddles. I’m not gonna wear a little black dress and heels for that! And then after work, I’m home all day. My mom uses my car for work so I can’t really go out. And I have no reason to go out because I don’t have friends in my area to hang out with. They all became college people and their idea of fun is going to the clubs and drinking…..I don’t really like people like that. Plus we’ve never had anything in common so it’s whatever. But since I’m always at home, I’ve still no reason to dress up so sweatpants and a t-shirt is what I wear around the house and to bed. Now if I was in a relationship, it would be different. I’d wear something better. Of course, if I was in a relationship, I’d have a reason to go out and do stuff. But that would be hard becuase I don’t get days off from work.
Then again, maybe it’s just my interests. I have some hobbies and things that are seen as weird to other people. I’ll name a few for example. I watch anime, I love horror movies, I mainly listen to anime music and japanese artists. I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and collect merchandise. I have a BJD (ball jointed doll) and several other kinds of dolls. I have a huge interest in the paranormal/supernatural. I support the gay community and I’m pro-choice (becuase those things don’t affect my every day life, I have no problems with them…..what you do with your life isn’t my business so if you’re a guy who wants to fuck another guy, then have at it! If you’re a 15 year old who got pregnant becuase you were raped or something and you don’t want to have a child becuase of that, then do what you want with it…..of course if you were stupid and had sex with your bf becuase you thought you loved him and didn’t need to use a condom and then got pregnant….you should have it so you learn your lesson! But that’s not my business so it’s whatever). I like video games, drawing, writing, singing, dancing (when no one is looking). I loves pandas, haunted houses, lawn gnomes, animals, nutcracker dolls, top hats, web comics, cosplay, standup comedy, architecture, Visual Kei, Japanese culture and a plethora of other weird things!
I don’t know….maybe I’m just too picky in the kind of guy I want. A nerdy guy who is tall and skinny (why is that so bad…..I’ve had sex with a large guy and it just doesn’t work!). I’m trying to lose weight so I won’t be as fat as I am now the rest of my life. But still….a guy who likes anime, video games, has interests and views similar to mine. Isn’t religious. Has a sense of humour that includes pervertedness and sarcasm. Isn’t afraid to show his softer side (like when he sees something cute, he says so instead of hiding it to preserve his “man card”….). I don’t need flowers or chocolates, I don’t expect ever door to be opened for me or every chair pulled out. I’m capable of doing that stuff on my own. I just want someone who likes to cuddle and watch movies. Someone I can talk to about anything I want. Is that really asking too much? It seems like it….
But looking at all that…..it doesn’t seem that bad….but apparently it is. I don’t want to change and become some preppy, super confident cheery girl who watches jersey shore and listens to rap music all the time…that’s what it seems like most guys are in to though….Oh well…this is why I don’t think I meant to find love.